00;00;02;08 - 00;00;23;09
Kolton Thomas
Welcome to the Reclaimed Recovery podcast, where Christian men are overcoming porn. If you're struggling with porn, our podcast is going to help you break the shame and rewire your brain so you can get back to living a porn-free life. I'm your host, Colton Thomas, and this is episode one Believer in yourself that you can live porn free.

00;00;23;12 - 00;00;59;18
Kolton Thomas
So let's dive right in. This first series of the podcast is going to be spent digging deep and trying to get to the heart of this issue, trying to uncover the why. Why is it that so many men continue to come back to pornography, even after they've suffered terrible consequences for it in their lives? Right. It seems like even if we've been struggling with this for years, even if we've been discovered, even if it's putting stress and strain on our relationships with our spouse or our friends or family, even if we're exhausted, both physically and emotionally, we know we're underperforming at work.

00;00;59;18 - 00;01;31;19
Kolton Thomas
We know we're agitated more than we should be. All of these signs and symptoms have been brought on by pornography. And yet, why can't we tear ourselves away from it? Why can't we overcome porn? That is the first problem we're going to look into here. Because if we can uncover the why, why is this all going on in the first place, then that will be the foundation for everything else, for finding that freedom and control over the lust, over the urges or the temptation that we've been wanting to for so long.

00;01;31;19 - 00;01;50;13
Kolton Thomas
And if you are someone who's been struggling with porn for years, daily in the trenches or just on and off, or you used to struggle with porn and now you're looking to see how has that affected me, how has that impacted me, and whether you're just wanting to help other men or have a conversation with your son or someone that you know who's struggling with this.

00;01;50;20 - 00;02;18;02
Kolton Thomas
This podcast is for you. This podcast is going to be a game changer, and it is my prayer that you will become someone who no longer struggles with porn. I fully believe that that identity is there for you. I believe you can be fully restored from the damage it's done in your life. And here's what I tell men If they've never considered this before, you need to have some grace for yourself because it's very likely that porn is not your fault.

00;02;18;02 - 00;02;37;10
Kolton Thomas
It's very likely that porn around you, not the other way around. Right? You didn't wake up one day looking to begin this lifelong struggle or this long term habit with porn. And the reason why you can't quit pornography is not because you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not spiritual enough. You don't have what it takes.

00;02;37;16 - 00;02;54;28
Kolton Thomas
You don't love God enough. Or I used to think that the reason why I couldn't break free from porn is because I just wasn't being spiritual enough. I just didn't love God enough. And that made everything worse, right? Because that created shame. That made me think that there are really problems with me deep down that I didn't know they could ever be resolved.

00;02;55;03 - 00;03;12;02
Kolton Thomas
And what I learned after working with a number of men on this issue is that it's very tempting to believe this narrative that you are the problem, that there must be something uniquely wrong with you that's going to make you struggle with this for the rest of your life and no one else. Right? Other people can recover from this, but you can.

00;03;12;02 - 00;03;35;03
Kolton Thomas
And that is such a big lie. If there's one thing I could get across in this first episode is that we have to overcome that lie. You are not the problem. Porn is the problem here. You are not born into this world looking at porn, and the real reason that you haven't been able to quit is because you haven't had the right information and you haven't had the right support and community and the right system in place to help you address pornography.

00;03;35;03 - 00;03;53;24
Kolton Thomas
Long term, you know, in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, he says that we don't rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our systems, right? We all have a goal to quit pornography. We all have a goal to overcome porn. Yet why are so many men continuing to struggle with meeting that goal?

00;03;53;27 - 00;04;13;24
Kolton Thomas
Well, it's not because we haven't set the goal. It's not because we don't have lots of determination and big aspirations to do this. It's because we haven't developed systems. We haven't been taught how to overcome porn, Right? We don't need to be told how to overcome porn. We need to be taught and shown how. And that is why I started this podcast.

00;04;13;24 - 00;04;33;29
Kolton Thomas
Now, no one ever said it's going to be easy, right? This is still going to take some effort. You do have to take responsibility for this issue. You do have to be willing to take steps forward and get a little uncomfortable in order to overcome this. But the problem fundamentally is not you. You can overcome porn and you do have whatever it takes.

00;04;33;29 - 00;05;04;16
Kolton Thomas
Whoever is listening to this right now, I fully believe that with all of my heart that anyone who is willing to make a serious commitment to put an end to pornography or sex addiction or any addiction for that matter, has what it takes so long as they were given the right resources, the right information, the right support, and enough time in a safe space to go deep into the heart of this issue and to rebuild a foundation for their sexuality that's based upon reality.

00;05;04;16 - 00;05;20;24
Kolton Thomas
This based upon how God designed it and intended for it to be. And I believe that you can not just overcome porn, but that you can be better for it, that you can actually redeem the situation and that you can learn so much about yourself in the process and you can help others in a way that you never would have been able to before.

00;05;20;24 - 00;05;38;21
Kolton Thomas
And this is at the heart of the gospel, and this is what really excites me. This is why I love doing what I do, because I know that in a relatively short amount of time, if you listen to this podcast, if you really allow this content I'm putting together for you to soak in that you can make enormous strides in your recovery journey.

00;05;38;23 - 00;06;00;26
Kolton Thomas
Because I've heard it said that a few steps in the right direction is so much more effective than a million steps in the wrong direction over the course of years. Right? We can strive. We can struggle with pornography for years, but if we're looking in all the wrong places for the solution, then we aren't going to make progress towards the right destination.

00;06;01;03 - 00;06;34;21
Kolton Thomas
And this is where I want to encourage you to stick with it. Stick with me on this journey, you know, and I just want to take a moment and say also, thank you. Thank you for giving me a few moments of your time. I am honored that you are here and I see it as a great responsibility of mine to make this podcast worth your time and to make this podcast something that gets you results not just in your struggle with porn, but also in helping you to become a better leader all around, you know, a better father, a better friend, a man who is living up to his potential in all aspects of life,

00;06;34;21 - 00;07;01;08
Kolton Thomas
whether it be performance at your job, at work, or performance for a competition and your sports. Our goal here is to see all of your gifts and abilities and the image of God in you unhindered by porn and sexual addiction. So now, because this is our first episode, I would like to take a quick moment and introduce myself to you and tell you a bit more about why I'm doing this and share a little bit of my story with you.

00;07;01;09 - 00;07;33;04
Kolton Thomas
That's all right. My name is Colton Thomas. I am currently living in Little Rock, Arkansas. I am married to my wonderful wife, the sweet Sarah Grace, who I need to give a shout out to because this podcast wouldn't be happening without her love and support. I am currently on track to get a master's in counseling at John Brown University with an emphasis in adventure therapy, and it took me a bit of a journey to discover that I wanted to be in the counseling and mental health profession, and I spent the last ten years of my life or so working for various nonprofit organizations.

00;07;33;04 - 00;08;02;18
Kolton Thomas
I've been involved on the board of directors helping a nonprofit that fights human trafficking. I worked with an NGO in Haiti doing long term development work and humanitarian aid, and I've also been a resident assistant living in a transitional home for young men aging out of foster care between the ages of about 18 to 25. And then my wife Sara and I have also gone to an inner city church for the last seven years or so whose main mission is to lift up Christ in the inner city.

00;08;02;18 - 00;08;26;20
Kolton Thomas
And they deal a lot with addiction and homelessness. And so being around all of these things, I've seen what addiction can do. I've seen what happens to people's lives when it takes hold. And I have my own story. In fact, the year after I graduated college, I went and I through hiked the Appalachian Trail. If you haven't heard of the Appalachian Trail, it starts in Georgia and it ends in Maine.

00;08;26;20 - 00;08;47;08
Kolton Thomas
So it goes from southern United States to almost the northern tip all along the East Coast in the Appalachian Mountains. And the trail runs a little over 2000 miles long. So you really have to clear your calendar to do this hike. And most people spend months planning for this in advance. I happened to just get the idea my senior year and I'd never been backpacking before.

00;08;47;08 - 00;09;07;12
Kolton Thomas
And so just a few months beforehand, the spring semester of my last semester in undergrad, I got the big idea that I was going to go out there and do this, and I had to plan a lot of little details in a short time. I had to figure out things like food supply along the way. You know, I've got to give a shout to my dad who packed and shipped a lot of food to me, and then also to do the research to buy the gear.

00;09;07;13 - 00;09;28;28
Kolton Thomas
I'm trying to buy really lightweight gear so I could go fast. And eventually, after months in the woods, after hiking and going through all kinds of ups and downs on a crazy adventure, everything from seeing bears and a mother bear with their cubs to nearly getting struck by lightning a couple different times. I finally made it to mount guitar in the very end of the journey where I met some friends and family.

00;09;28;28 - 00;09;46;08
Kolton Thomas
My dad was there. We all climbed that mountain together and I got a picture next to the end of the trail, the sign that marks the northern terminus. And man, what a moment that was. I can say, even though the journey was really difficult, it was all worth it because along the way, there are just so many amazing things.

00;09;46;13 - 00;10;06;16
Kolton Thomas
I saw all these beautiful views and sunsets and waterfalls and just amazing, amazing people that I met along the way. I experienced all kinds of hospitality. I had people who I didn't even know take me to their homes, cook me food, do what they could do, lift my spirits and put me back out on the trail so I could finish this hike and get to Maine.

00;10;06;23 - 00;10;37;16
Kolton Thomas
It was one of the most incredible experiences in my life. An amazing journey and I'm so glad that I did it. But there was something else I noticed about this experience, and that is the fact that I was unplugged from Internet, right? From Wi-Fi, from cellular data for several weeks at a time. And guess what that meant? Well, for someone who had struggled with pornography since junior high, this break from technology and for my devices was what I thought was going to be the break that I needed to finally quit porn for good.

00;10;37;16 - 00;10;55;23
Kolton Thomas
I thought that it would help me rewire my brain, would get out of my system. And then when I got off of the trail after spending weeks in the woods that I would not want to look at pornography anymore. But you probably guessed it when I got off of the trail, I found out the hard way that it's not that easy to quit pornography.

00;10;55;23 - 00;11;17;23
Kolton Thomas
It's not that easy to rewire your brain. And what I found out was that hiking over 2000 miles on the Appalachian Trail in some ways was an easier journey than overcoming pornography for good, then quitting it permanently, you know, to where I could have a peace of mind that it wasn't going to come back and resurface just at any moment in my life when I was going to experience stress or other things.

00;11;17;23 - 00;11;37;06
Kolton Thomas
And so when I came to this realization, when I saw how difficult it would be, I made a commitment that I really, really needed to work on this before marriage, that I needed to get somewhere with this issue before I met my wife. And so what I did was probably what a lot of you guys listening to this podcast did.

00;11;37;08 - 00;11;58;22
Kolton Thomas
I went and I read all the resources, at least the main ones that everyone recommended. I read the things I was supposed to read. I haven't watched some documentaries. I really educated myself on this and I did some basic old school accountability, all thinking that if I just did enough, if I tried hard enough, I could resolve this issue on my own.

00;11;58;25 - 00;12;18;07
Kolton Thomas
And what I realized is that trying really, really hard and using mostly my willpower, but also a little bit of accountability was not going to get the job done. Still right. And that's when I realized, you know, when it comes to porn, you know, different people use different words and labels. Some people like to say porn habit, porn problem.

00;12;18;12 - 00;12;34;23
Kolton Thomas
Some people say porn addiction. Although when we say the word addiction, it can mean different things. And we can talk about that in a later episode. But the point is, regardless of what you want to call it, there's more to this issue than just behavioral changes and getting a long enough break from it even, Right? That's part of it.

00;12;34;23 - 00;12;59;02
Kolton Thomas
But it's not the whole picture. I knew that I had to go deeper. I knew that I really had to put some work into my recovery. I knew that it would take some sacrifice. I knew that I would have to invest in myself if I really wanted to make the changes and then also what I found out was that it was going to take a lot of transparency and commitment to my integrity if I was really going to resolve this issue for good in my life.

00;12;59;07 - 00;13;19;25
Kolton Thomas
And so in this podcast, I want to share more with you about the things that I learned along the way to overcome pornography in my own life. And I just want to say that while overcoming porn may seem really daunting at times, and while there may be some really difficult parts of the journey ahead, overall, it does not have to be the super stressful, overwhelming process.

00;13;19;27 - 00;13;37;17
Kolton Thomas
Again, if you believe in yourself and you have the right tools and resources, the journey can actually be one of growth and enjoyment. And it can be an experience where you learn a lot about yourself. You become self aware, and you're learning all these tools how to deal with pornography. Well, guess what? You can deal with a lot of other issues in your life as well.

00;13;37;23 - 00;13;55;20
Kolton Thomas
I promise you that the transformation you will undergo while going on that journey to overcome porn is really going to be worth something to you. It's going to make you a better person. And I stand by that. If God made you, you are valuable. You are a special part of his creation. And look, God did not make junk.

00;13;55;21 - 00;14;25;01
Kolton Thomas
He didn't make junk. So don't insult or disgrace his work by looking at yourself in self-disgust and say to yourself, I can never be free from porn. Because when you do that, you've already missed the first foundational step in recovery. Because this is about identity, right? Shifting your habits, shifting any habit for that matter, is more about changing your identity and who you are than it really is about changing the symptoms, changing the behaviors on the surface.

00;14;25;04 - 00;14;45;13
Kolton Thomas
And there's this temptation when we struggle with porn for so long, for so many years, to say, I am the addict, right? I am the addict. But I'm here to tell you, you are not the addict. You're just someone who struggles with porn. This is not you. And while it's not your fault, overcoming pornography is now your responsibility.

00;14;45;17 - 00;15;05;29
Kolton Thomas
You do have a responsibility to take action and do something about this in your life. Right. So this is my charge forward. This is my sense of urgency for you. Life is short. Please take responsibly for this issue and take action even for now, is just listening to this podcast. Start taking small steps of action every day and believe again in your recovery.

00;15;06;05 - 00;15;29;16
Kolton Thomas
Don't give up that hope, right? Leading author and therapist Dan Olander of the Islanders Center says every addiction is an attempt to slay hope. And if you allow it to slay your hope, you've already lost the shame that pornography produces beat you. And so together, let's go on this journey. Let's not let the shame overtake us and let's believe again in our recovery.

00;15;29;17 - 00;15;56;09
Kolton Thomas
Okay. And I want to end this podcast with a story. It's a memorable story. And this story actually comes from jazz Stringer's book on Wanted. It's a book he wrote about dealing with unwanted sexual behaviors. It's a great book. I highly recommend it. But in the book, towards the beginning, there's this story that really stands out to me, and I am going to elaborate on the story a bit more because I think that it really captures well this idea of hope and freedom and believing again and recovery.

00;15;56;12 - 00;16;17;19
Kolton Thomas
So the story goes like this. There is a prisoner who escaped from the Soviet gulag. Now, the gulag was a system of corrective labor camps in Siberia, was established around the late 1920s or so. Being in one of these camps, facing nearly certain death. They were among the worst in all of history. When it comes to living conditions and labor requirements.

00;16;17;27 - 00;16;44;26
Kolton Thomas
This particular prisoner that we're talking about had spent years already working in these brutal conditions right? Hours on end of the frozen ground. He had to is longs working in mines and somehow he held onto life by a thread, but he was barely surviving in subzero temperatures and he was taking it one day at a time. But what no one else knew was that this prisoner was plotting an escape and he finally caught a break.

00;16;44;28 - 00;17;09;05
Kolton Thomas
He found a weakness in security. He found someone on the inside he could trust. All the right pieces came together for him to carefully plan this escape. Now, after months of tedious planning and rehearsing in the middle of a dark and cloudy night, he finally rose from his bed and he made a break for it. He found a way through the walls under the barbed wire, past the watchtowers, and finally to freedom.

00;17;09;07 - 00;17;36;24
Kolton Thomas
Now the Soviets search for him. They were right on his tail, but even the dogs lost his scent after a fresh snow had fallen on the ground. But then after this, even after he was in the clear, something unexpected happened. This prisoner, seven days after wandering around the forest, cold and hungry, probably no more than ten miles from the prison, he decided to voluntarily turn himself back in.

00;17;36;24 - 00;17;57;03
Kolton Thomas
And I know you're probably thinking, what? How could he do that? You know, just to think that he may have thrown away his chance of ever making it out of there alive, wouldn't he have rather died trying to escape than go back to this prison? But here's the thing. What he told his fellow prisoners upon turning himself in is very telling.

00;17;57;06 - 00;18;18;15
Kolton Thomas
So as they gathered around in his barrack to hear this story all in disbelief, he told them Freed him. Is it for us guys? Even if these chains were wearing our broken and we're chained to this place for the rest of our lives, we can escape. We could wander about, but in the end we'll just come back, right?

00;18;18;15 - 00;18;37;16
Kolton Thomas
He said. Freedom isn't for us. And what we learned from the story is that the Gulag had been the hope out of this man. After so many years of struggling in the camps, he had lost his vision for freedom. It was easier for him at this point to just go back to camp where things were familiar and there was a routine.

00;18;37;18 - 00;19;00;27
Kolton Thomas
But as we know, he would go on being miserable for years and possibly even die there in the camp. And so when it comes to pornography, we have to be willing to ask these hard questions. Have we become dependent on porn? Has it become so familiar to us this cycle of off and on with it, where we keep coming back to it and then we keep loathing ourselves?

00;19;00;27 - 00;19;22;18
Kolton Thomas
Has this actually become a part of our identity too, where we almost find a degree of comfort in returning to it, to where it has eroded our hope that we could ever live without it. Have we learned to live with this self-deprecation? I know I could have answered yes to many of these questions at one point in my journey, But what I'm asking is how about you?

00;19;22;21 - 00;19;43;15
Kolton Thomas
Have you stayed in this prison and in this cycle for too long? And have you found yourself also saying, like our prisoner, maybe freedom from this just isn't for me. This prisoner has spent so much time gathering together what he needed to make an attempt that he didn't really have a solid plan for. What do you do after he got out?

00;19;43;22 - 00;20;04;00
Kolton Thomas
Right. And he also found himself alone and isolated still after he'd gotten out. But how different would it have been if he knew there was a community of other refugees, other men who had escaped, other men who were surviving and making their way back home just a few miles from where he gave up. Do you think that would have made a difference?

00;20;04;03 - 00;20;27;06
Kolton Thomas
My prayer is that reclaimed this organization was founded to help men overcome pornography would be that community for you so that after you make this big resolve to quit, you have someone to go with you the rest of the way and to see it through until you've put this problem with porn behind you permanently. So to end our episode today, what I would like to do is ask you to take some action.

00;20;27;11 - 00;20;50;11
Kolton Thomas
I'd like you to stop and I'd like you to take out a pen or paper or get out the notes on your phone. And I would like for you to write down your reasons why you need to do this. Why do you need to make this happen? Why do you need to quit porn? Because if you can get clear on that, if you can find some clarity and if you can realize that this has to happen, it needs to happen because of what it means for my future.

00;20;50;12 - 00;21;17;10
Kolton Thomas
Right. And for my future family and for the legacy that I want to leave and have on this earth. If you can really connect with that stuff while also believing again in your recovery and believing that there's other men doing this and that you can do it too, then I promise you you are going to be set up so well to make some serious breakthroughs in your recovery journey and to get back to a place in your life where you're living out a higher potential that's porn free.

00;21;17;10 - 00;21;36;17
Kolton Thomas
So thank you so much for taking the time to tune in today to this episode. This is our first episode, but we've got many more to come. We are going to be releasing weekly episodes on Mondays, so please subscribe. Please download and enable notifications and please follow along each week as new episodes come out. Can't wait to see you in the next one.

00;21;36;17 - 00;22;02;06
Kolton Thomas
And just remember that a porn free life is possible for you. It's even in your reach if you just believe again in yourself and that you can do it, that you can live porn free. And until next time, I'm your host, Colton Thomas. Thanks for listening to the Reclaimed Recovery podcast. Hey guys, If you're enjoying listening to our podcast as a couple quick things I would love for you to do that could really help us out.

00;22;02;13 - 00;22;22;23
Kolton Thomas
One is to leave a quick review for our podcast. This would help us reach more men and potentially help more lives too as the head over to reclaimed recovery dot com and check out our free training on the five shoes that we use to help men overcome pornography and overcome it for good. This training is going to go into even more depth and a lot of things that we talk about in our podcast in the training.

00;22;22;23 - 00;22;38;13
Kolton Thomas
You can also find out more about our ten-week journey through our coaching app, an online course that can help bring you that transformation. You need to start living a life porn free. So if you love this podcast, you're going to love the training and other materials that you can find in our community app and on our website.

00;22;38;13 - 00;22;46;00
Kolton Thomas
Again, that's reclaimed recovery dot com. And you can find the links to all of these resources and more right on our homepage.